I am conflicted to some degree about this, even as an atheist. I am an atheist and in recovery; I have seven and a half years of continuous sobriety. At the time I got sober, and for the first six of those seven plus years, I believed in god, and attributed my getting and staying sober in part to my faith and belief in god. I now believe that it was the resulting placebo effect and not actually god that kept me sober. I no longer rely on god to stay sober, and my lack of faith has in no way negatively affected my sobriety.
On the other hand, during my time as a pastor for a christian program at a drug and alcohol treatment center, oftentimes the people struggling the most with sobriety were those who requested to be part of that christian program, and for their recovery to revolve around their faith. (I did just that when I was in recovery.) Their struggle, and its correlation to faith was the guilt and shame so often related to religion, especially when they had encountered other, non-addict christian’s judgment and condemnation, thereby making them feel less-than and unworthy.
Another reason for their struggle was their dogmatic adherence to faith, and to the keeping of its rules, whereby the often would receive their self-worth and value as a person. How they saw themselves all too often came via the lens of their behavior, or actions. When they did good, they saw themselves as good and at least to some extent, worthy. If they screwed up in some way, as is often the case while in active addiction, they then saw themselves as worthless. The number one answer to the question on a spiritual assessment “How do you feel about yourself?” was “I hate myself; I’m a piece of shit.”
Moving forward (hopefully in recovery), they would carry that mindset with them. “As long as I can mange not to sin, or at least not to sin too badly, god will still love me and be with me and okay with me and will help me. However, if I mess up too much, god is going to be angry, and I’m screwed.” As a result, the shame and guilt—made even worse by judgment and condemnation from god and other christians, either perceived or real, would once again overwhelm them, causing them to relapse. I saw this pattern repeated over and over.
So, in the end, I’m still torn. I do think belief in god and faith can certainly play a significant (and positive) role in an addict getting and even staying sober, but it can be a two-edged sword, as well. When faith and belief in god become a prison of continually trying and failing (according to religious standards), it becomes extremely difficult to stay sober.
Here is a good example of what I mean:
There was a patient at the treatment center - a christian, very active in his faith, very dogmatic about it. He was young, in his mid-20s and was struggling (his words) with lusting. Geez, what 20 something person isn’t fantasizing about sex? (Hell, what 52-year-old man isn’t?!) Religion had indoctrinated within him the belief that lusting was a terrible sin – one to be avoided at all cost. In spite of his most valiant of efforts to corral his lusting, he had always come up short, and in his mind, had completely and altogether failed.
The guilt and shame brought on by religion over lusting caused him to relapse (for merely having sexual thoughts!) several times. While in treatment yet again, and yes, participating in the christian program, he once again was trying to control his lusting. He would come to my office and proudly announce the number of days he had gone with no lustful thoughts. When it was about time for him to be discharged to our outpatient program and a sober living facility, I called him down to my office to talk with him.
Even as a pastor, I wasn’t concerned about his thought life about sex, but instead, how the guilt and shame would affect him. We talked a bit, and of course he mentioned his battle with lust. I then asked him this: “What are you going to do WHEN you lust? The question caught him off guard, but made him think. A big smile flashed across his face as the point of my question sunk in, which was that he was going to think about sex, and it was okay. He seemed to find some relief from the madness of religious dogma, albeit temporary relief, as the guilt and shame once again eventually overtook him, and he relapsed yet again.
So, there you have it: two examples of people in active addiction relying on faith and god to help them get and stay sober. One is still sober (although I no longer believe in god and haven’t for the past year of my sobriety), and the other one (who still believes in god and still relies on faith) hasn’t managed to stay sober for any significant length of time. The (partial) reason for EACH outcome: faith and a belief in god.
What are your thoughts? Are you a non-theist who thinks faith can play an important role? Are you a theist who believes faith can be detrimental in some way? I look forward to reading your comments.
I think it's a case-by-case thing, and it's hard to tell, though I think my biased opinion would be that religion is more harmful overall. However, there's still some nice old widows I won't debate with (yet), because they're genuine, they've been stuck in it so long and they're counting on it to see their loved ones again someday. For them, it may be better to just let them be, but only because it's already too late.
ReplyDeleteI tend to view religion as one giant lie. Sometimes a lie might help... just maybe. It may make a truth just a little easier to bear, or make someone feel just a little better, but it could also do a lot more damage in the long run. Especially when the more comes with so many unclear conditions.
I have a friend who follows Jordan Peterson a lot, and argues with me that religion is an important part of human psychology. That without it, we're doomed to be depressed and unhappy all the time. In my opinion, I think it is only because we evolved so long beside religion that we have become dependent on it, not that it is naturally a good thing. It is like how domesticated animals have evolved to become dependent upon humans. In their current state, humans may be good for them, but that doesn't mean that humans are always good for them (sometimes we butcher them), or that it always has been or always will be in that species best interest to depend on humans (if humans die out, those animals could go extinct as well, for example). Because of this, I believe it is humankind's best interest to learn to evolve again without religion, not encourage people to hold onto it because it's better for us right now.
One question I have for you is, if religion had never been a part of your life, do you think that you would have come to depend upon alcohol as much?
I agree that religion facilitates good and positive things by acting as an agent for those things – things such as hope, community, sense of purpose, common goals and values with peers, etc. However, I do not believe that those things are a direct derivative of religion (As I think you believe as well). Religion is not a necessary catalyst; all of those things and more can be had without religion or faith. That being said, however, the saving grace (pun intended) of religion is that it is a method utilized by many to have those things in their lives. However, as you and I both stated, religion can be a two-edged sword, and one which I believe (enter my biases as well) causes more harm than any good it helps facilitate.
DeleteAs to your question about alcohol (great question, btw!)
As you read in my memoirs, religion did play a part in my addiction. Specifically, that I could never be good enough for god, and consequently, added fuel to my self-loathing. I do think, however, that I still would have become just as dependent upon alcohol had religion not played any role in my life. For one, I had/have the propensity to drink. I believe that alcoholism is a disease and as such, played some part in my alcohol dependence. There were other factors as well, none the least of which was the abuse I suffered through growing up. I would hazard a guess that it was that abuse which played the most significant role in my addiction.
I think my question could also go on to include the causes of your alcoholism. Do you think that those causes, such as your father's abuse, could also be credited, or at least partially credited to religion?
ReplyDeleteI do recall reading that your parents only married because of your mother's church's rules about marrying someone else in the faith. Without religion, she may have had a better chance finding a better partner... but then, I suppose if she had not been raised in the church and found a better partner, you may not have existed at all. So, perhaps you could blame religion for everything indirectly, but it could also have just been life.
I think it would be a stretch to attribute the abuse from my father to religion; instead, I think it was more an anger and self-hatred issue. I don't think religion played much of a role, if any, in his life especially as a child and adolescent. I'm sure my mom would have had better opportunities to seek a partner and father of her children outside of the church/religion arena, but as you say, that would have meant that I would not have been born. I'd say both life and religion played role in my journey and addiction.
DeleteHey Tom.
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you. Thanks for commenting and for the kind words. Unfortunately, you are right – the viscous cycle of shame occurs in many circles, certainly not just within recovery.