My Current State of Faith
Romans 14:23:
For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. “Oh shit—the evangelicals were right”, or “Holy shit, I’m fucked!”
(The following statements regarding my faith status and belief in god, the devil, heaven, and hell were written a while ago, and, while true at the time, are no longer accurate. Any mention of believing in god, the devil, heaven, and hell were written prior to my coming to not believe.)
So—now I am a doubter. Not an evangelical christian. Not a progressive christian. A christian? Perhaps. Probably not. Depends on what christian means. I do believe in god, but barely, and increasingly less and less. What “belief” I do have, I am coming to realize is more out of fear than actual faith or belief. There it is again—that damn fear: “What if I’m wrong?” What if there really is a hell?” What if they were right after all?” Fear has been hammered into my very being for so long, that even now, I find it difficult to shake it. I despise religion. I do not believe the bible is all the evangelicals have made it out to be. I do not believe it is a “roadmap” for life, nor that one can find all the answers therein. I do believe it has errors and contradictions. I do believe that a lot of what is written about god, especially in the old testament, is greatly influenced by man, and their biases and misunderstandings of god, as well as their journey prior to following god. Hell—I’m starting to wonder what the point of the bible is to begin with.
I doubt there is a hell; I fear there may be a heaven. Because if there is, someone, somewhere, somehow, under god’s marvelous plan, will certainly manage to fuck it up, and once again, we will find ourselves on the short end of Abba daddy’s disciplinarian “whith”, living yet another nightmare. I do not believe that god is as personal and intricately involved in our lives as I have been taught. I do not believe god controls or guides mans’ lives directly or greatly, if he exists at all. There are many stories and events recorded in the bible around which I just cannot wrap my head. A floating zoo. A woman turned into a pillar of salt. A pro-abortion god. A talking snake. Mankind began with just two people. The whole set-up with the fruit. That because of the fruit, we are all fucked. That a loving god would create us, love us, and then send (according to many christians) millions, or more likely, billions to hell—an awful, horrific place of ungodly and unending, eternal conscious torment. All because of a fucking fruit a talking snake convinced one woman and one man to eat. I have a real problem with Jesus being the only way to heaven, if heaven even exists—especially with the “hoops” required by most modern-day christians. I have a problem with christianity being the only “right way.” As a matter of fact, I am beginning to see christianity as just one of many, yet eerily similar religions. All claim the truth. All are “the way.” So just what is it that is so special about christianity? Why is it the only “true” way? Do we even need a “way?” A way to what?
Faith on Trial—More of What Has Led to My Current State of Doubt
Matthew 14.31:
Jesus: “You of little faith,” he said to Peter me, “why did do you doubt?”
Me: “Because your followers can be such fucking idiots!”
The following sections will be comprised of the many reasons I have such a problem with christianity and have come to doubt god’s existence. The first section will be some of the problems I have with certain beliefs within christianity that I simply can no longer swallow. From there, I will go on to discuss the types of self-proclaimed christians that would be eligible to be included in Buddha’s below statement. Finally, I will look at some of the stupid things christians say or do, all of which defy logic, common sense, and often, any theological acumen.
Buddha: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
Jesus: (to the religious leaders of his time) “You are snakes! A family of poisonous snakes! How are you going to escape God’s judgment?”
~continues in Part Seven
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