God Is Good (Because…)
You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are (Well, actually…)
This one drives me crazy! Post after post on Facebook announce how awesome god is, how good he is, how blessed they are. All due to their current, good circumstances. “God is so good” because:
· I got to see my kids today.
· I got a new car.
· I scored the winning touchdown.
· My probation officer didn’t violate me.
· The cancer tumor is shrinking.
· I woke up today.
· He gives us the air in our lungs—to praise him.
· The storm missed us.
· We survived the car accident (that killed an entire family in the other vehicle).
On and on, goes the list. So often, it seems that god is awesome when people get what they want or are spared disaster. Their praise for and awe of god are determined by their circumstances. This may sound familiar, and if you’ve studied ancient gods and those who worshipped them, you know why. People saw their gods through the lens of their circumstances. Crops ruined? The gods were pissed; they better appease him/her immediately. Crops good? Their gods were happy; it’s time to give them a thank offering.
Fast forward to today. So often, christians do the exact same thing. Especially when things are good. If something good happens, without hesitation or thought, they automatically give god the credit, and thank him profusely. A perfect example of this took place about two years ago. A hurricane was taking aim at the county in South Florida where I used to live; in fact, up until it made landfall, it was forecast to hit my area head on. We were expected to get the worst of what the hurricane had to offer. I don’t mind admitting, I was terrified. That was the first real hurricane threat I had experienced in the five years or so that I had been in South Florida.
Instead of turning inland and heading directly towards us, at the very last minute, it stayed its course and traveled north another 150 miles or so, still out over the ocean, before heading inland. We were relieved and grateful that we had been spared; however, in the days immediately following our “being spared”, Facebook bore witness to the stupidity of those spared—especially christians. Many declared that god was good, awesome, amazing, loving, etc. That he had spared them. That the storm not heading inland right here was a divine intervention. Of course, the cities that it did hit were devastated. Massive damage. Destruction. Loss of property. Many injured. Loss of life. Death. But we were spared, and it was divine intervention. Apparently, god loves us more than the poor people that the storm didn’t miss. Perhaps they had committed greater sins. Maybe they didn’t have as much faith as we did. Possibly their ancestors had evoked the wrath of god, which he chose to unleash on their innocent descendants through this storm. Either way, we were spared and god was declared to be good. Even though people died. It just wasn’t us.
Another notable example of insanity in the name of god... A house. A fire. Someone sleeping, unable to escape. They perish in the smoke and flames. The family, grieving and distraught. But then, there it is…a bright spot in the nightmare. A bible beside the bed. Not burned. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! The loved one dies, the bible doesn’t burn, and god is praised. Indeed, it’s considered a miracle from god. Forget that a family member died. God is good, because the bible survived. Someone actually posted this on Facebook proclaiming it to be a miracle and proof that god is good.
Conclusion
“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.”
~ Frank Herbert
So this is where I will stop my story.
Well, this pretty much sums up my journey from faith to no faith—to my current belief status. For some reason (one I still cannot identify), I decided to chronicle my journey, highlighting the things that have led me to where I am in regards to faith, religion, doubt, and atheism. I have attempted to do just that; however, I must leave you with a disclaimer. While I am a contributing author to two published books, in reality, I am no author; this is my first attempt of writing anything of any real significance. (Now I tell you.)
I have moved even farther from faith since I first began writing. I like to think of my “faith” status on a scale of 10 – 1. Yes, I meant to say 10 - 1; I realize that it’s normally the other way around. In this scale, 10 represents an evangelical, fundamentalist, hardcore conservative, while at the other end of the scale, 1 represents someone who is an atheist. If I were to use this scale to measure my current status, I would say that I am a 1; I now consider myself to be atheist. What that means is this: after extensive review of the evidence—both for and against god, I no longer believe god exists. That, however, does not mean that I know he does not exist; to say so seems to me to be preposterous. I don’t know there is no god; I don’t believe there is a god. If somehow a god revealed itself to me sufficiently in the future, my paradigm may shift, and would possibly change the course of my journey.
So where do I go from here? There was a time I would have responded to that question by saying that I would pray about it; however, as you have read, I no longer believe prayer to be an effective tool. I recently finished reading Seth Andrew’s book “Deconverted: A Journey from Religion to Reason”, and loved it. His journey parallels mine in so many ways. Like him, I can remember with great clarity the moment my nagging, ever lingering doubts rushed to the forefront, refusing to be silenced any longer. Once I began to pay attention to those doubts, I began to have more and more questions. More doubt. More frustration. More things that just didn’t add up. Things that have led me to a place of non-belief.
As I read more on the subject, and listen to more atheists’ debates and presentations, reason and logic gain an increasingly prominent place in my mind and daily life. Some of the things I have less and less of are the frustration and the fear—the fear of “What if I’m wrong?” “What if there is a hell, and I become its most prominent citizen?” Dang—that fear is such a motivator, and one of christianity’s most implemented tools. It is much more peaceful here; less turmoil, less confusion. This is a good place, and I look forward to the future; to my continued journey from religious persecution to logic and reason and the freedom that comes with them.
As you most likely have deduced from some of the earlier sections, I had been angry—angry about circumstances growing up, about the lack of a good family life, about the insane religion I was forced to endure, about the deaths of friends and loved ones, and more recently, angry about the myriad of circumstances life has thrown at me. Divorce. Breakup. Loneliness. Job loss. The driving force behind that anger, I have come to realize, was the false belief that god was good, and that he was in control. Most of my anger was directed towards him, due to false, albeit nearly lifelong planted beliefs that he would have my back, and that he would meet my needs, and perhaps even some of my wants.
I have come to realize that my anger was a result of the disparity between my expectations of a “good” god and reality—a huge disparity, to say the least. As my belief about and in god has changed, and ultimately ended entirely, I have realized the futility of those expectations, and have let go of them. As a result, I am finding that the simmering anger I had (which was directed towards god) has dissipated, and I am experiencing peace and resolution, realizing that instead of a deity who has it out for me, who is letting me down, who is betraying me, it is just life happening. Sure, life at times sucks, but I no longer blame god and feel that he has let me down and once again betrayed me when those bad things happen. I no longer blame him, and I find that this leads to a peace—a greater peace than that supposed “peace that passeth all understanding” as promised by Paul in Philippians 4.4. Imagine that; I have found more peace in believing that god doesn’t “have my back”, and that he doesn’t exist, than I did when I was a believer.
One more thing I believe is noteworthy enough to record here: as I noted earlier, I was laid off from my job as a pastor at a drug and alcohol treatment center. At first, I experienced a plethora of emotions, including anger, fear, anxiety, betrayal, and hopelessness. While I still struggle with depression at times, I noticed that in the weeks following the layoff, I wasn’t nearly as depressed as I had been the last year or so while working as a pastor. I believe this is because I am no longer forced to be something I’m not. I no longer have to teach people things I don’t believe about a god I don’t believe in. This has brought me peace, and to a place of much less inner turmoil and conflict created by pretending to be something I wasn’t. Nice!
Here’s to you finding the same peace that logic and reason have given me.
Good luck.
May the force be with you.
Whatever works for you.
Update: Since writing my memoirs, I have moved back to Ohio – to Cincinnati, where I have since become disabled and now collect social security disability - yet another crazy twist life has thrown at me. My journey, as you have just read, has been a rocky one at times, and has tried to get the best of me. Somehow, I have always managed to survive.
Thanks for reading about my crazy journey! I hope it inspired you to...well, I just hope it inspired you in some way.
James Exline
No comments:
Post a Comment